Total forgiveness, but with boundaries?!

I seen this posted on Facebook and it hit me. So many times we offer up forgiveness, but forget to allow ourselves to put boundaries. Do you think forgiveness means no boundaries are needed? Well, let me share my thoughts and we will shall see.

I too once thought total forgiveness, means that we go back to how things once were before the issue arose that forgiveness was needed. But that's not the case.

First lets look at this verse in it's pureness that it is. Be kind to each other, tenderhearted forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 NIV

We should offer kindness to one another, especially when offering up forgiveness. Why? Because we would want the same for us, am I right? I know I would. BUT we are to forgive just as God through Christ forgives us. And it is said in scripture to forgive seventy times seven. Woah. That is a lot of times, and a lot of grace. And a whole lot of patience.

I love how Mayo Clinic describes forgiveness. "Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life."

I love how they stress that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. That is what having a healthy boundary includes. You basically forgive the person for your own peace, but limit contact with them in order to protect yourself from further damage. Of course, every situation is different, but I know for a fact unless we offer forgiveness to whomever hurt us, we will not ever find peace. Instead we are left feeling awful not only from what was done to us, but for allowing it to occur in the first place. It can cause more harm than the actual act that was done.

I have heard people say "I will never forgive them" and I can understand some situations where one might would feel that way. Abusive, hurtful, harmful acts on one person can cause a lot of damage that an 'I'm sorry' simply won't fix. But forgiveness isn't and shouldn't be viewed at as a "FREE PASS" either. It is perfectly okay to outline guidelines moving forward with someone that you are offering forgiveness to, or simply withdrawing from them all together. BUT if you don't lie out boundaries or expectations, and you see the same behavior returning, then you are responsible for the outcome. If you cannot set boundaries out, then it might be in your best interest to simply remove that person from your life, as in not giving them access to you.